The "Yes, I Can" Child

Dad's Getting Praise in the NY Times

Great to see Dad's getting praise in the NY Times...Go Dads!! NY Times: Fathers Gain Respect From Experts (and Moms)

Rocket Fuel Found in Most Powdered Infant Formulas

See article by Dr. Mercola Rocket Fuel Found in Infant Formulas

Our Hearts are Moved More by Great Effort than Winning Championships

I just watched a girls jump roping team perform for our soldiers. My heart was jumping with all kinds of emotions as I watched the girls work in sync together to perform this 10 minute routine. The soldiers were yelling cheers of approval and excitement as they watched these phenomenal girls. This wasn’t a competition. They were there to honor our soldiers and say thank you for their service to the U.S.A.

Watch the video…

 

Girls Jump Rope Team Performance

 

Can you imagine the dedication to practice these young ladies had to have to be soooooo great in working this routine. They had to think about the team as a whole and sync together in each move in order to make it work. One individual couldn’t have a mindset that “it’s all about me.”

It got me thinking about what really moves people to cheer, encourage, and give support to others. It usually isn’t about “being the best” as much as it is “doing your best”. Sometimes we can get so caught up in telling our kids that they have to be the best when we should be more concerned about reinforcing them to do their best based on their gifts and talents. Think about the child on a team who is giving it everything she’s got and still not the top player. You feel for this person. You want her to rise to the top. You want her to be recognized. You can’t help cheering for her. You want her to succeed. Am I right?

 

Think about how often you see people rooting for the “underdogs” when watching anything competitive. Rocky movies, the Karate Kid, The Mighty Ducks or Rudy. Why do we do that? Well I’m of the belief that it’s because of the “heart”. You’ve made a connection and can relate to the person your watching. You see their determination, their setbacks, their willingness to take the next step and you want to see them victorious. It also gives you hope and inspires you to take that next step forward. It gives you that ounce of belief you need to say I’ll try one more time because if they can do it, I can do it. If they go through the pain and succeed, I can too.

 

So if great effort moves the heart of people to connect more so than being the best shouldn’t this be the focus with our youth today. Why does the child in Manhattan taking violin have to be sitting in the first chair of the orchestra if he’s doing his best and truly enjoying the art of making music with this instrument? Why does the young man playing football receive so much pressure to gain the most yards when those who know him see his passion and willingness to give it all he’s got for the team but doesn’t rank as #1? Why is the girl who’s been taking ballet for 10 years at age 15 pressured to practice everyday for hours on end because others want her to be the “prima ballerina”?

 

I’m of the belief that if we can focus on teaching our youth to put forth their greatest effort in all they do vs. being #1 they will succeed in all areas of their life rather than feeling like failures. Think about it? A mentality of being number one carries big egos, arrogance, and being self-centered. It establishes a mindset of “it’s all about me”. How are they going to succeed when they start working for companies? When it requires building teams of employees to complete a project? Or even starting their own companies and finding the right talent needed to make the company successful? Can you imagine your child starting in the work force today looking for employment and having an attitude that they are the best at what they do and should get the job? There’s more to it than that. Are they willing to be dedicated to work with others, doing whatever it takes to make the company better? Think about how easy is has been for you to cheer for the underdog? Why? If you were hiring somebody which person would you most likely hire? The one with above average talent with a determination and passion to succeed at the job or the person who has the high credentials that appears arrogant and has possible difficulty working with others?

 

I know that what I’m saying is not new, but somewhere we’re forgetting this principle. How do I know that? Because of reports that come out with schools moving students around in certain districts to create championship teams. I see parents pressuring their child to do certain activities and practice, practice, practice for the #1 spot so they can boast about it rather than thinking about what their child really wants. How is this going to affect them as they go into adulthood?

I’m urging all of us to think about what we are teaching our children? How are we preparing them for the future? I’ll give you three tips to follow that you can start incorporating into their lives today…

1.    What matters most is they are doing their best and give them praise for doing so.

2.    How they treat others will determine how well they will function in society no matter what they pursue for a career. Start teaching them these principles now by your example as a parent, caregiver or mentor.

3.    Uncover those areas they are gifted in and stir that passion in them with activities, resources, and other individuals who can relate to them.

 

They are our future leaders and we have a choice in how we mold them to become the wonderful individuals they are called to be. Let’s take responsibility as people who influence them and assist them in their growth by being examples of good character and their greatest supporters.

 

College Students Making a Difference Through Charity

Another great story that shows our young men and women are making a difference in their communities. It only takes one to create a spark and turn an idea into a flame that affects many. As parents and role models are we making sure it's a positive spark? Be inpsired...

http://news.aol.com/philanthropy/article/facebook-fundraiser-saves-college/675645?icid=main|main|dl1|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fnews.aol.com%2Fphilanthropy%2Farticle%2Ffacebook-fundraiser-saves-college%2F675645

Kanye West Completely Disrespectful at VMA's

What Are You Doing to Connect With Your Child?

I gotta say when I saw this incident occur at the awards with Kanye West stepping on stage and completely interrupting Taylor Swift when receiving an award I was ripped. I wanted to take the guy aside, look him in the eye and ask him do you have any idea what you have just done? Because you think that this person shouldn’t have received this award you think you have the right to disrupt an entire event and make another person feel so small and unworthy when she didn’t have anything to do with choosing who got the award? But it goes much deeper than that. What about the example he’s setting for any youth who admire him for his accomplishments? What about the idea of being a gentleman to a lady? There’s nothing wrong with having a voice and I encourage all the families I work with to allow their children to have one. I just wrote a post about how great I think that is while having a conversation with some teenagers at Grand Central Station. But if we don’t have a sense of common courtesy in society we will fall apart. I know, I know there are many cases you can throw back at me where there’s been unfair treatment to others when looking at civil rights. I don’t deny that in any way and I have many friends from diverse backgrounds that teach me so much by sharing their life stories, but I know there’s no way they would say that this act was acceptable. It was a disgrace and each time a person who has such a high profile does such an act it affects all the rest coming up after him and those they influence by being fans and followers. You might ask, what responsibility does Kanye have in how our youth are developing? A lot! Did he ask for it? Not directly but the responsibility is still there. I recall having great mentors in my life say to me over and over again to be mindful of how I am influencing those around me. If someone wants to be in the limelight there’s a responsibility that goes with it. We wonder why so many of our youth have no respect for authority and react on impulse without considering the consequences that go with it? They typically are just thinking of themselves and what they want “right now.” Not how this will affect them later, in an hour, a day, a month or even years. Why wouldn’t they? They see it occurring all the time around them. Why wouldn’t they just follow with what they are being influence by? In the end I saw compassion and sorrow in Kanye as he spoke with Jay Leno the following night of this incident. I knew when it happened that the incident stemmed from something much deeper in Kanye based on past pain, loss, frustration that hasn’t been resolved and wounds that need to heal. Kanye couldn’t respond to Jay Leno’s question regarding what his mother would say to him if she were still here? So my question to you as a parent is what are you doing to connect with your child to see that they are whole and emotionally healthy? What influence are you having on them to build their self-esteem and self-worth so they aren’t carrying anger and resentment inside them that can force them to erupt and act on impulse and hurt other people?  To respect others and understand they are having a positive or negative effect on others everyday. That it’s not just about them! It takes a love connection between you and your child to help in nurturing them to become the healthy and emotionally stable person they are called to be. I can give you three suggestions to build a strong foundation.

1. Set the example by the way you lead your life with integrity
2. Keep the communication open and honest and dedicate yourself to making time to do this often. Daily, twice a week, etc. You as the parent need to determine how often this needs to happen and then stick to it.
3. Continue to assure your child that you love him/her no matter what. Accept them where they are in their development, set boundaries, give encouragement, and remain consistent.

    I urge you to ask yourself how strong is your connection is with your child and based on the actions you are taking right now what will this look like in the future? Let me hear your thoughts on this? I am sure this could turn into quite a discussion on many different levels.

9/11, Grand Central Station & Four Teenagers

I was in Manhattan on 9/11 and had a meeting with a potential client on the Upper West Side at the south end of Central Park at 9:30 a.m. I don’t typically have to take early morning commutes and rarely into NYC. In some ways this was good for me to get a feel for what the typical person does daily who works in this city. Part of me admires their tenacity to commute the distance and time they do daily to provide for their family. I can’t picture myself doing it in any form of transportation whether by car, train, or plane on a daily basis probably because I’ve never had to do so. This is a lot of time to me that’s spent sitting  and waiting to get to and from work.

 

I was thinking about what NYC was like on this day 8 yrs ago and watching people today as they were on their way to work. Were they thinking about 9/11 back on 2001 like I was? I pondered about how many were actually happy with life in general. Were they going to a job they truly enjoyed and were passionate about? Or was it just to make ends meet? Were they thankful that they are safe, have a job in this economy, and not in the Twin Towers at the time of the attacks?  Or were they so wrapped up in what needed to get done that day they didn’t think to remember? I paused to remember the families who have lost loved ones during that time as I sat on the train to get to Grand Central Station.

 

As I landed in Grand Central from Connecticut I had to catch the subway to my stop on the Upper West Side. I recalled a recent writing I posted here about our children teaching us to appreciate the extraordinary as I was walking along to catch the right subway and glimpsed a man performing with a guitar and singing. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t, I was running late. I think I needed to have a child with me to remind me to stop and not worry if I was late. Just enjoy the moment, but I didn’t. At least I thought about it, but I didn’t stop.

 

I arrived just in time at my destination because honestly I stepped onto an express train when I shouldn’t have and it took me pass my stop and I had to get off, get on the local train and head back downtown. Hey, the map told me I had to be on the A train, I didn’t think it mattered if I was on the express or not. So I’m reminded to look at the specifics and pay attention to the details in order to get to where I need to be. Isn’t that how life works as well. We can have a vision of what we want to do, who we want to be and where we want to go, but if we aren’t willing to work the details of the plan the vision doesn’t come to fruition.

 

As I finish my meeting and get back to Grand Central to catch the train back to where I am staying I have some free time to wander, watch, and catch up on some phone calls and emails. I’m in the process of texting a lady about a workshop I’m doing for her organization next week when 4 kids walk up to me and ask me if I have time to answer some questions for a survey. Why not? I have the time. I’m going to assume they are in high school since it’s the middle of the day and middle school kids and younger shouldn’t be wandering streets of NYC without their parents or another adult. They were each from different diverse backgrounds, African American, Hispanic, and Asian. The survey involved 3 questions. In one word what is my definition of democracy? What will it take to have this? How can it be incorporated into schools? I was able to answer the first question with one word, the second with two words and the third I said there’s no way I can answer that in one sentence, but I was able to do so in a 30 second explanation. Their eyes popped out and they were impressed with what I had to say. Personally I was happy to just get the chance to add some positive to their day and let them know there is hope for them. Are you instilling hope in our youth by the words you say and example you set?

 

I thought this was cool that these kids were doing this. To hear how others think and gain a larger perspective from people of various walks of life. This caused me to think back to the beginning of my day as I sat on the train to go to NYC and remembering 9/11. We live in a democracy that allows us to speak out our thoughts and feelings. This allows our youth to have choices to think outside the box, explore, and determine for themselves who they want to become. I was uplifted as I headed home to remind myself of the freedom I have in this country that far outweighs many other places in this world. Is there still unfairness that occurs? Too much of it in my mind! But we still have a choice to make a difference one at a time with people we encounter each day. Are you seeing opportunities in your day to encourage our youth or passing it by?

 

Do Your Children See Contentment In You?

We live in a world that is moving so fast with technology and hectic schedules and we’re running a race to keep up with it most of the time that contentment is somewhat of a mystery. Yet we are starving for it. It’s the very thing we are actually reaching for as we’re running this race called life and it’s right there in our grasp, but we’re missing it. Why? I believe if we can answer that question it’s a step forward to finding the contentment we are searching for. It’s a personal question that can have a different answer for each individual.

As I travel it seems that I see contentment in our young children and our elders. You know how kids that are 5 yrs old can just go out into the yard and play in the dirt and run through the grass for hours? Or an elder can sit on the porch in a rocking chair watching people walk by greeting them with a good morning or afternoon. No rush to get anything done just enjoying the moment. But for those of us in those in between years, we’re missing it. Why? Is it because those of us in between are still running for achievement in our careers, trying to give our children all the best clothes, education, and gadgets to make them feel like they fit in with their peers?

    I don’t want to infer that one should not have goals or seek to become a better person or make certain achievements, but can you do it in a way that you can appreciate where you are at the moment? Do you pause for a moment or two to be grateful for what you’ve accomplished thus far and experience contentment? Can you be still and think about the great things right in front of you without getting antsy pantsy that you have to get up and do something right away.

    I saw contentment recently as I’ve been spending the summer in Maine. I understand why people who live in large cities buy summer and retirement homes here. It’s a quiet place, full of mountains, fresh water streams, brooks, lakes, a lot of land that’s not inhabited by people, and a beautiful coastline. People are very laid back yet have to work very hard for their money. I saw contentment as I was out on a boat watching two men fish, just enjoying the quiet of the morning as the sun was coming up and wondering if they’d get a bite.

 

Can you see the mist on the mountains? All is quiet and it’s just you and your friend. Or maybe it’s you and your son or daughter enjoying each other’s company. Not thinking about what happened yesterday or what you have to do tomorrow or next week, but just experiencing the cool of the day.

What are we doing for our children to ensure they can stop and appreciate what’s right in front of them and enjoying the moment? Like witnessing a sunset, or a deer in the backyard, or sitting and talking with their grandfather who can share wisdom they may never receive from anyone else. As the fishing trip continues it wasn’t just about two men who have found contentment, but sharing it with a young man who is about to enter high school this September.

     This was his 14^th birthday. I see him sitting there listening intently to his elders, enjoying the moment of a relaxed morning on the boat with his grandfather and uncle. Now there was a price to pay for this! Isn’t there always? He awakened at 3:30 a.m. to enjoy this morning on the boat and he was rewarded in many ways. In some ways the rewards aren’t apparent right now but will come later. I know I have some of my greatest childhood memories spending time with my grandfather fishing in rivers and brooks for trout and I am so grateful for those memories today. It has allowed me to find contentment in the little things of life and remember those memories when times can become a bit too hectic in my daily life today. The immediate reward this young man got was he happened to be the only one who caught a fish that day.

 

 Can you see the joy on his face? I’m of the belief that’s how his grandfather and uncle wanted it to happen. They have found contentment in their lives that it’s doesn’t matter whether they catch a fish or not but enjoyed the excitement that comes from seeing the younger generation experience the catch. Personally, I got great gratification to enjoy the moment and witness this opportunity to create great memories amongst family.

  

I end with the question I started with, Do your children see contentment in you? How are they seeing it? What examples are being shown to them?

Learn From Your Children to Appreciate the Extraordinary

This article was sent to me by a dear friend and I thought it was fitting to remind us that we could be missing out on something extraordinary because of the rush we put ourselves in on a daily basis...

The lesson--Our children can teach us to stop and smell roses, follow their lead.

Something to think about...

Washington DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007.  The
violinist played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time,
approximately 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them
on their way to work.

After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing.
He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to
meet his schedule.

Four minutes later, the violinist received his first dollar.  A woman
threw the money in the till and, without stopping, continued to walk.

Six minutes after that, a young man leaned against the wall to listen to
him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

Ten minutes later, a 3-year-old boy stopped to look at the violinist,
but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. Finally the mother pushed
hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time.
This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent,
without exception, forced them to move on.

Forty-five minutes later the musician played.. Only six people stopped
and stayed for a while. About 20 people gave him money, but continued to
walk their normal pace.

He collected $32.00.

One hour later he finished playing and silence took over. No one
noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the finest
musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever
written with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.

Two days before Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in  Boston where the
seats averaged $100.00 each.

This is a real story.

Joshua Bell playing incognito in the Metro Station was organized by the
Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste
and people's priorities.

The questions raised:

*    In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we
perceive beauty?
*    Do we stop to appreciate it?
*    Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be:

*    If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the
finest musicians in the world playing some of the most beautiful music
ever written with one of the most magnificent instruments ever created,
how many other things are we missing?

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What Kind of Teamwork Are Your Kids Learning?

Do you ever get all choked up when you see  great enthusiasm in a ball team? When you see unity in a group of kids working together to reach a common goal? I do and personally I don't even mind if they reach the goal, but think it's awesome to witness the great life lessons they are learning during the process. I had the privilege of watching some young boys play on an All-Star baseball team this past week. These baseball players were ages 10 and under. The team had less than a month to practice together before a major tournament that would determine if they would play in a state championship. Tonight was the big game! The team that I'm writing about lost the game and their season is over until next year. I have to admitt I was sad at first when the team lost, but you have to walk through the journey with me to understand why. I know I just wrote that it doesn't matter if they win or lose,  but what's learned in between, and that is true!  But don't we usually want the underdogs to win? When you see a team come together, doing whatever it takes to make it work, and still they don't make it to the championship, don't you just want to make it all better for them as parents? I know you do because I felt that way as I walked away from that game. The team I was rooting for lost, and it stopped them from going to state championships and I'm not even one of the parents of the players. It's our nature to root for the team that has great sportsmanship, keeps the enthusiasm during the whole game, and the scores being so close that you're on your toes to whole time.

This game tonight was a continuation of a game that had been rained out 48 hrs before and the score was still 0. The players of both teams were dedicated to playing in the rain, pushing themselves to do their best during down pours and the umpire shut down the game at the end of the third inning and it would be rescheduled. So tonight we started at the top of the 4th inning.   

    I had been talking with one of the kids on the team earlier that day. He would be first up to bat and he was fired up and determined what would happen. He told me he would somehow get to third base and the next batter would send him home. As I stood there next to the fence with anticipation I watch, waiting. The kid already had 2 strikes thrown at him and the 3rd time the kid hits the ball to get to first base. The opposing team fumbles twice that allows him to steal both to second and third base and his coach signals him to home plate and he follows direction. He runs to slide into home and he's tagged out. Can you imagine it, your sitting there in anticipation knowing this game determines going to state champoinships. It's top of the 4th inning and the scores is 0. You're wanting so bad for these kids to score a run. First batter up has the chance to score with a home run and he's out.

  At this moment a decision can be made, you can shrug it off and get back into the game or you let it drag you down and keep you off focus to win. But here's the catch: it can't be just one person who has to shrug it off, it has to be the whole team. Knowing what this young man had told me earlier I felt so bad for him. He wasn't saying this to me with a haughty, big ego. He was stating it with confidence as a good plan for the team to win. He knew the next batter would be able to send him home because he's such a great hitter. As the game continued the team got a bit discouraged and they lost the momentum they had had two nights ago when the game began. But this young man who had just gotten out at home decided to still lift up the team. He was the kid that was starting the cheering in the dug out and the team followed. He continued to do his best out in the field for defense for the rest of the game. The opposing team had a momentum going tonight and won 6-1.

Was it a total loss for the team. No way!! These young men stuck together supporting each other till the very end. Walked away learning to take more risks on the field and not to be afraid to get out there and slide into home, run after players when stealing bases to get them out, and learn the power of shrugging it off and getting back into the game. Both teams had great attitudes and deserve commendations for good sportsmanship.

    What are we teaching our kids about teamwork? Are we teaching them to see the big picture in how to work with others best by cooperation and encouragement. Are we showing them the importance of learning the lesson when we make a mistake, and getting back up and trying our best again no matter how often? Are we showing them how powerful it is to have enthusiasm to create a positive atmosphere when working with others? Because if we start reinforcing those great habits and outlooks early in their lives can you imagine how effective they will be as they become adults and work in large corporations,  start their own companies, or become teachers and role  models for the next generation? Wow, that gets me excited!! Let me hear your thoughts?

My Book is Award Winning Finalist for Top Parenting Book for 2008

“Award-Winning Finalist in the Parenting/Family category of the National Best Books 2008 Awards" http://www.usabooknews.com/parentingfamily.html

      USA Books chose "How to Get Your Child to Say, Yes! I Can! & I Will! as a top finalist for parenting books this year. I'm honored and my hope is that as parents, educators, and childcare providers read the book they find the techniques to bring immediate results with their children and the youth they work with.  As I travel around the country and work with families I see our kids starving for structure and direction. They want to do the right thing. They have such great potential. Parents are stressed and running at warp speed trying to get everything done in a days time.  Asking themselves...

Will I make it through this economy?

How secure is my job?

Will I provide the same lifestyle for my kids as I thought  I would even 2 years ago?

    No matter what may be occurring around you outside of your home you can still provide a good nurturing structure for your children that builds good character that will last them a lifetime. By doing so your children will be able to stand through the storms of life and achieve their dreams.

The feedback that I've received from my readers has been...

1.  my book was a fast read

2.  simple to implement steps immediately

3.  saw positive results in their children in 10 days or less when consistently implementing the techniques taught in the book.

    Buy the book above and experience more quality time with your children and being a part of their development to become responsible, respectful individuals.